In the spirit of my recent “Wienermobile Post” I recently read a rather bizarre article published in last Thursday’s edition of the San Francisco Chronicle about Burmese Giants Pythons (Python molurus bivittatus) that have been colonizing the Florida Everglades. Apparently, irresponsible pet owners have been dumping adult pythons into the swamps of South Florida for quite some time and there are an estimated 30,000 of the giant snakes in the region. USA Today chimes in with a report that Global Warming could eventually lead to these snakes populating the entire lower third of the United States, from coastal Virginia down through the south and Texas and up the Pacific coast as far as San Francisco.

Of course, this will take decades, and frankly I’m far more concerned about other potential side effects of Global Climate Change to worry about these pythons, but the articles did produce a few interesting lines that I found somewhat remarkable. A sampling follows:

At 20 miles a month, a determined Burmese python from Florida could arrive in San Francisco as early as August 2020.

“It would be exceptional for one animal to be that unidirectional in its movement, but it’s mathematically possible,” Rodda said.

The snake’s cross-country crawl would be made easier by the large population of beavers along the way, Rodda said.

“Beavers would be a very tasty treat for them,” Rodda said. “No beaver would be safe from a python.”

The natural enemies of the python are lions, tigers and other large cats. There are few free-roaming African lions and tigers between Florida and San Francisco, the geological survey said. And the absence of alligators outside Florida can only help the snakes on their journey west, although it’s a complicated relationship - while pythons eat alligators, alligators also eat pythons.

It’s good to know that we don’t have many African lions and tigers (Aren’t tigers Asian?) roaming the Great Plains. Very decent of them to point that out for us, though I am deeply concerned about the beaver population…

And from the USA Today:

The Burmese python is not poisonous and not considered a danger to humans. Attacks on humans have involved pet owners who mishandle and misfeed the snakes, Snow says. In Florida, they eat bobcats, deer, alligators, raccoons, cats, rats, rabbits, muskrats, possum, mice, ducks, egrets, herons and song birds. They grab with their mouth to anchor the prey, then coil around the animal and crush it to death before eating it whole.

If you see one, don’t attempt to engage it. Leave the area, note the location and notify the authorities.

Another sage piece of wisdom. I’ll be sure to heed the advice not to engage the world’s sixth largest snake should I run across it during my next (and first) family holiday in Vero Beach.

Of course, I’m being unfair to the journalists and the newspapers as most of these quotes are attributed to a spokesperson from the U.S. Geological Survey.

I am very, very frightened by the dumbing down of science in our country.